Dear Whitney...

Dear Whitney,

it’s been less than a week since you were sitting, waiting, on the cusp of one of life’s biggest events. And now you are a mother. One of the best gifts any woman could ever receive, but also the hardest.

Even though I wasn’t there 19 years ago, when you entered this world, I still feel like you have always been in my life.  You may not have been placed into my arms on that April day, you were placed into my heart 12 years later, when we first met at Major Magic’s.

We happily welcomed you as our oldest daughter, wanting to erase every bad memory and all the pain you had ever experienced.  It was hard for everyone involved, but it was nothing compared to the joy, love and excitement we felt.  Or the dreams we had for our future together. While you may not have physically been my first born, my heart knows you were meant to be.

There are no real words to explain how we felt having you in our lives. The closest I can come to explain the feelings we had is ecstatic…but scared that we weren’t going to know how to raise you.  We were reassured that our love & faith would see us through it.  I wanted to scream from the highest roof for the WHOLE WORD to hear - I have another daughter! Thank you, God, for this beautiful girl.

Long brown hair, beautiful brown eyes, a smile, that was hidden well, but gorgeous when you let it show.

Although those dreams changed, our love for you never wavered.  I prayed every day for you and lit candles for you at Church every holiday and birthday, hoping we would be reunited.

I don’t even know how to express the feelings of pure joy and excitement after finding you.  My thoughts raced, what will our future hold?  Would you accept me as some sort of mother?  In my heart, you’ve always been my daughter, but am I pushing it too much? 

I wanted you to mend your relationship with your parents, because I knew it was right.  I still bite back tears when I hear you talk about them.  Mostly because in my mind, I’m still your mom and I shouldn’t have to share you.  But I pray on that and am truly thankful that you have found a better relationship with them because you, more than most, deserve nothing but HAPPINESS!!!

As you waited for Ms. Lenyx to make her arrival, while staying with us, I enjoyed watching your excitement and being there when you were told you were having a girl!  Towards the end It was obvious how nervous, excited, in pain & impatient you were. There’s a longing to meet this little girl you have carried for nine months.

Here are some things I’d like to share with you in the beginning of mommyhood…

Being a mom is one of the most amazing things you will ever do.  There are no words to explain the love you have for your child. No matter how exhausted you are when she wakes you up all night and all day, when you hold her, you will know in a nano-second how “worth it” it is.

No matter how loud she screams, you will find yourself loving her with a fierce, joyful love you cannot even imagine.

I know that your past has caused your faith to waver.  My trials have made my faith stronger.  I truly believe you will start to feel His strength one day and know that He has never left you.  And gave you the best present in the world..Lenyx.

The love of a mother is an astonishing thing. And it’s a good thing God gives it to us because we need it as moms. Not just in these glorious early new-baby days. But in every day of our mom-lives. It’s what gets us through all the ups & downs.

That love is not only the best thing that could happen to you, it  is also the hardest thing you will ever do. At times it will feel like “mission impossible.” What makes it possible is God’s strength and that amazing, inexplicable, ferocious love you have for this child.

So while you enjoy these early days of motherhood, a few bits of random advice.

“What are the words of wisdom you might offer your daughter as she becomes a mother?”

Here are a few… 

·         You’ve just become a lifelong learner. No, you won’t know everything you think you should about being a mom, but you will learn as you go—and be the better for it. You and your daughter will grow together!

·         Rely on God’s strength and the encouragement and wisdom of other moms. Don’t try to “go it alone!”

·         Remember that God—and kids—are very forgiving. Yes, you will make mistakes, but don’t focus on them.

·         Don’t forget to laugh a lot! It will ease the tension, soothe the pain—and make you much happier and more fun as a Mom.

·         Savor the moments. This will seem impossible in the middle of the night when Lenyx just won’t stop crying. But trust me, when your kids are young, it feels like forever. But the years fly by faster than you can imagine.

·         Something to look forward to: Being a mom, in a sense, gets better all the time. I’ve loved each stage along the way (well, most of the time) it’s always different.  Each one a little more fun than the last. And just think--maybe one day Lenyx will be just about to deliver her first child. And you will know the joy and pride I feel right now.

I love you Whitney—far more than you can ever understand. And if you ever need anything, please, never hesitate to call me.

Love always, Mom