Doggy Style

When we excitedly and nervously took our maiden voyage in #thepineapple, we decided not to bring Blitz along.  Since we had so much to learn and knew we would already be stressed trying to figure things out, we knew taking Blitz would only stress us out more.  His severe separation anxiety is hard to deal with on a normal day, so taking him when we're already stressed would not end well for anyone.

Since that first trip, we have brought Blitz with us every time. He actually does pretty well on the drive. During the travel, he lies right up on the dash, on his doggy bed and sleeps or chews on his bone.

In the evenings, he likes to lie outside while we sit around the fire.  If we're inside (due to the unending rain), we will go up on the dash and sleep in his bed.  When we all head to bed for the night, he jumps right into bed with Dennis & I like he does when we are at home.

One of our biggest problem is he is dog reactive.  Not in the attack way, but in the he wants to smell and play way. It's a struggle to keep him under control when another dog is walking by.

And while he does well in the RV, it's because we are with him the entire time.  If we leave, we bring him with us because I am far too frightened to leave him in the RV for fear that we will come home to this:

I know there are a few chuckles..but he has figured out how to break out of Alcatraz.  I mean...this dog is insanely powerful.
Dennis was outside building a fire a couple weekends ago, while I was taking the girls to the dentist.  I randomly received this picture from him.  This is just the screen door, but I laughed because it was like Blitz knew this is one of my biggest fears!

Ugh...

Overall Blitz is a pretty fun companion...we just really need his anxiety to get controlled.  He's on doggy zoloft and cbd oil, but it doesn't even help.  It's extremely frustrating!  Anyway, we will to continue to camp with our psycho dog unless we know we will be exploring in unfriendly dog territory.


#thepineapple #sdfamilyrvadventures

The Infamous Frank Morris

So, I was so excited that we finally found a crate Blitz could not escape from.  It was so stressful wondering what I was going to come home to, before we got this crate.  One time he ate 4 POUNDS OF RAW CHICKEN!!!!!!  Didn't even have diarrhea .  Grr.

So, imagine my surprise, this afternoon, when I came home from lunch and Blitz's crate was empty.  I was literally confused.  He didn't great me at the door and he wasn't locked up..where was he?  Did he spontaneously combust?! But no, there were no ashes in Alcatraz.  So..I called out... Blitz??

I hear him jump off my bed and he comes running out to me.  I just stood there...staring at him.  He stared back, wagging his tail.

Me: WTF Blitz, how did you get out of that?

Blitz: tail wags

Me: Seriously? How did you do this? (as I inspect the crate)

Blitz: sniffing the cage while i walk around

I shake my head and walk around the house to see if he destroyed anything.  Nope.  Ok..well, that's good.  So I take him out to the bathroom, cuddle with him until I have to get back to work.  I put him back in his crate and head back to work.

I wondered the rest of the afternoon what I was going to come home to.  After getting the girls, we walked up to the door, unlocking it and who was at the door...yes, Blitz.  Ugh.

So, even though he can break out, it seems like when he does break out, he behaves...which leads me to putting him in the crate every morning..even though the girls and I bet he's out before we are out of the driveway...

It appears I have a Frank Morris in my house..

Alcatraz

Blitz can be such a sweet boy.  He loves his girls, he loves us, he's protective of us all..but he's a little a lot crazy!!
We love him, but he really tests our patience.

We've had him since he was 7 wks old.  I do believe he was taken from his mom to early - we got him from our neighbors. 

Even though we are the only family he 'knows', we know his history, his separation anxiety is beyond anything you'd believe!  We were told by a trainer that he is seeing more and more GSD's w/sep anxiety.  He said it's the way they are being bred.  That makes me sad!

When Blitz was little, we had him in an airline crate.  He hated being in there and was able to break out of it.  We zip-tied it, in hopes of keeping him contained, but no, he was able to snap them.
He was young, so keeping him uncrated was not an option. 

We bought a regular dog crate.  After a few weeks, he figured out how to get out.  We zip-tied that one.  He would chew through those and get out.  We bought pad locks.  He couldn't get through those!  He made up for that and started to chew the bars of his metal crate, until he had a hole he could squeeze through.  Yes...he chewed the metal crate.  We went through three different crates.  Finally, after a lot of research, I found a steel crate on Amazon (not the exact one we have, but almost the same).

When it arrived (I was watching the tracking like a hawk), I wasn't home, but I couldn't wait to get there and open it!  As I pulled into the driveway at 7pm at night, there was my large box at the bottom of the porch stairs, in snow.  The FedEx guy didn't even bother to put it on the porch.

Since Dennis was at work and Cadence was at Religion, I had to try and move this heavy box by myself.  And I'm not exaggerating when I say it was heavy!  It's a steel crate that is HUGE.  It was not assembled and I could barely get it up the porch.  Once I did, I slid it across the porch, into the house and it stayed at the door until Dennis got home from work the next day.

He put it together and we both stood back, admiring the durability...but also staring in shock at the size.  It's huge! We couldn't wait to test it out.

Sure enough - Blitz couldn't get out!  He was able to push out the bottom tray, but that was it.  He was unable to chew through the bars!  WOO!! 

We have since dubbed his crate Alcatraz, because our Houdini is unable to escape!

Parenthood

While we wait for Cai's dr appt (next week - ugh), I have to remind myself this, very often.

It's hard to see her struggle and get frustrated when she's not 'getting it'.  I get mad at myself b/c she's an amazing kid.  And I know this.  Yet, for some reason, I always want her to be more.  Not for me, but for her.  I want her to not struggle with school b/c I see how tiring it is for her.  I want her to be less shy, b/c I see how hurt she is when she's not included (b/c she won't put herself out there). 

God, give me strength.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is 2 1/2 wks away!!  And Christmas is 48 days away!  Damn.  I hate how quickly times goes once Halloween hits.  I wish it would slow down.

If you're not following me on facebook - please do so and comment where you're from.

My link: https://www.facebook.com/lifeasqueenmommy/

I hope you have a great week! 

The last first...

One of many last first's happened today….Bryleigh lost her 1^st tooth.  Sure, we have already had a lot of last firsts, she walked, she talked, etc...but this was big for me.  Maybe b/c I'm about to turn 40?  But this seemed like a huge milestone that makes me a little sad.During the tooth pull (which was very traumatic for both of us – she was acting like I was trying to murder her and after thought it was awesome her tooth was out, while I felt devastated my baby is growing up), I was sweaty and annoyed b/c she wouldn’t let me pull it.  It was hanging on by a thread and I didn’t want her to swallow it or lose it at school and not have something to put under her pillow.  Cadence swallowed one once, which I didn’t care about b/c at that point, we were about $20 deep with the tooth fairy.  But for the FIRST…well, I wanted her to go through the whole routine!

Anyway, after it happened, and I was driving to work, it occurred to me, this was the last-first tooth my children would have. 

Sure, grandbabies will lose teeth and I will be excited for them…but this is my baby…and she’s not a baby anymore and proof of that is in a baggie under her pillow. 

I may have shed a few tears on my way to work.  Hell, who I am I kidding, I bawled (my meds are not right) and then I thanked God for letting me have that moment. 

We tried so hard to have babies and lost more than are here before we finally had ours.  And the pregnancies were hard…and Bry’s labor was scary. 

So even though it was the last-first tooth that my babies will lose, I am thankful to have experienced it.

 

she thought she was going to be gushing blood...

 

Possible hoarder status...

Meet Molly. She's the newest member of the SD household.

How did this happen, you ask? Well...you see..it goes like this..

I answer calls two days a week for a local animal rescue. The majority of the calls are people that have found a stray cat(s) or need to surrender their cat. It breaks my heart. Some people are rude, they say, 'um, you can't take the cat? '
‘We can’t’
'Well, now what am I supposed to do? '
I feel like saying, ‘um, be a responsible pet owner and figure out how to make it work.’ But alas, I just try to point them other directions, praying for the poor kitty in the situation.
Well, last week I rec'd a call from an elderly woman who was very choked up during the message. She explained she had to rehome her declawed, fixed, chipped cat b/c her granddaughter is highly allergic. She started to cry at the end of the call and hung up. She called back a few mins later, leaving another mesg, apologizing for cutting off before leaving her phone #, she started to cry again, letting me know she was so sorry for hanging up, she just hated the thought of putting her cat to sleep.
I was choked up after listening to her 2 mesgs. I told the girls about it that evening and they both thought it was sad too. They said, 'why don't we bring her home,' I said, 'oh Daddy would be mad...'
So Dennis got home from work and I said, 'listen to these 2 messages.'   He said, 'oh, that's so sad.' Then I said, 'uh - you have to call her and tell her we can't bring the cat into the program b/c we are full.' He said, 'what, why? '
I said, 'I can't do it, I'll start crying.'
Bry leans forward and says, 'Daddy, why don't we bring her to live with us?' He said, 'we don't need another cat, you don't change the litter,' to which Cai chimed in, 'no - I do - every week. And we scoop in btwn.'
I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling. I said, 'look, it's fine, but I can't call her and tell her, will you please?' He just gave me an annoyed look and said, 'just tell her we will keep it and if her granddaughter moves out or whatever, she can have her back.'
WOW - that's a really good idea! HA! When I called her, she started crying, which made me choke up again.

It was funny b/c my friend had said to me a few days before, 'how many cats do you have?'  I said, '3',  she said, 'damn, I have more than you (she just got her 4th), I may be a hoarder.' (Fantastic, people judge the # of pets they have on how many I have. I may have set a precedence over the years of fostering).
I laughed at her and said 'probably!!' Annnndddd then 4 days later I have a 4th cat. Dammit. Karma. I shouldn’t have laughed at her.
When I told her about Molly, she said, 'yes! That means I’m not a hoarder….'
I said..'or it means we both are! Hahaha!'
The day I picked up Molly, the lady was teary eyed and continually thanked me. She was a small lady, probably in her late 70’s or early 80’s. She was very sweet and gave me two big hugs, telling me she was so appreciative of this. I smiled, all the while thinking of how big of an idiot I am. Ugh..4 cats. I asked her as we were loading Molly into the crate, had she been around kids, dogs, other cats? No, no & no.
Awesome – sounds like we are the perfect family for her. Various children in & out of our house, a dog & 3 other cats. She’s going to be very pleased when we get her home.
She didn’t make a peep while we drove home. She did a lot of hissing and growling at Blitz and the other cats once we got home and brought her out of her crate – but she’s slowly adjusting. She likes to sleep with Cadence at night, she isn’t a fan of Bryleigh (maybe she senses Bry is a dog-whisperer!) and she still hates Blitz.

She sees Blitz in the kitchen - she's not amused

 

No more cats for us. We are at capacity. And since the two oldest are only 8, we have many years of being a 4 cat household.

Sunday Funday!

J/K...it was actually Saturday Funday, but it most definitely doesn't have the same ring to it as Sunday. 

Our Saturday started out as usual, house cleaning, laundry folding, etc.  Dennis works 7-3:30, so it's just the girls & I working around the house.  Once the house was clean, we ran to the store for a few things, picked up a fun box of pumpkin shaped cookies for a Halloween party the girls were invited to.

I dropped them off at said party and I headed home to switch loads and get ready for Jody & Ron's wedding! YAY!

After I finished switching loads, I ended up picking up Lisa & Taevion so they could ride with us out to the wedding.  Dennis picked up the girls from Morgan's and headed over to pick up Cadence's friend that was staying the night.  Finally, we were able to head to the wedding.
It was at Jody's aunt & uncle's house, and it was in the country. As we were driving out there, we passed a kid, maybe 9 or 10, with a scary ass mask on, standing at the end of his yard, near the road, VERY slowly waving at us as we drove by.  He was extremely creepy.  Lisa was freaking out.  HAHA.

The wedding was awesome - Jody looked beautiful!

We didn't stay too long, we wanted to get over to the Folklore Fest since it ended at 9.  When we got there, it was still daylight (usually we get there as it is getting dark) and it was WARM!!  I honestly don't think it's ever been warm.  We are usually freezing, sipping hot coffee & standing in front of the fire to try and warm up.  Everything aches by the time we climb into the car b/c we were shivering.
But not this time.  This time was perfection.  They even added some new activities, one was the spooky trail - it was pretty awesome.  I can't wait for next year!

When we got home, we threw some frozen pizzas in the oven and the girls decorated some cookies.  After we ate, watched about a 1/2 hr of tv and cleaned up, it was 10:30, so I headed to bed.  The girls were playing in the bedroom and they weren't being loud, so I let them stay up.  I was asleep within seconds of lying down.

When the real Sunday Funday rolled around, it was anything but fun.  I had to wake the girls early to get ready for Religion, that was pleasant..I assume it was close to midnight, if not after, by the time they fell asleep and here I was waking them less than eight hours later.
The plan was to drop off Cai's friend & then take them to Religion, but of course, we were running late (story of my life) and I had to take the girls first.  After I dropped off her friend, I ran to the store, grabbed a few things, picked up the girls and we ran to my work to anonymously start the 'you've been booed' fun at my work.  I would have taken it all in early Mon morning, but let's be serious, I would never make it before the people I was 'booing'.
We went to Whitney's to drop off clothes for her & the kids that she had left at our house.  The trip was crummy b/c it was raining and it takes about 35 mins to get there.  But I made it a little more enjoyable with a VERY scary story!  The girls were enjoying it so much they were bummed when we got home and the story ended...mid-scare!

When I walked in the door, I wanted to just relax, but there was cheer practice & dinner to make, so I kept it moving.

That evening, when everything was done and I finally had a little time to relax, I opened my Nook and picked up where I left off in 'My Commander'.  While the book isn't exactly what I like to read.  The pace and lack of buildup was a downfall for me, but overall, for an easy, amusing read - I enjoyed it.

Now it's Friday and we have a weekend full of soccer tournaments.  Maybe we can sneak in making popcorn balls...but mostly - I will be enjoying the fall weather and tv movies!  I hope you have a great weekend, too!

400

 

 

This is my 400^th post.  Wow.  It took nine YEARS to reach 400.  Roughly 3,466 days and I finally hit 400.   Well, at least I didn't give up.

I know some people reach 400 in just over a year, if they’re really dedicated…but for me, this seems like a milestone.  I feel like I should have something of significance to blog about…but really, I can’t think of something.
Maybe it will just be a bunch of random thoughts, stories and junk jumbled into a barely coherent post…yea...that sounds like my life, so why not?

First random thought, or question, if you will…how do you parent an adult bi-polar child?  I am truly at a loss.  Dennis is very patient, but is quicker to lose his shit with her, than I am.  I honestly feel like I have taken the time to learn more about the disease than he has.  He feels like it’s used as an excuse, though, I will say, SHE has never used it with us, I have always used it in her defense btwn Dennis & myself.  He thinks she’s immature (true) and needs to grow up (true to a point) and that telling her when she’s acting ridiculous will make her grow up.  He doesn’t realize the behavior is going to repeat itself b/c she doesn’t realize what she’s doing until after she's already done it.  She needs professional help and to stay on her meds, but she doesn’t.
Whit is good about talking to me when she’s upset, and also when she thinks she can ‘bi-polar’ me into giving her something.  She doesn’t know, I know what’s happening…or maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it.  She’s called/texted me upset and crying, saying she doesn’t want to turn into her birth-mom.  I listen and try to console her.  Nine out of ten times, she cries and we hang up when she’s calmed down…but there is always that 1 percent when she talks about money.  She never comes out and asks me for it, but I can hear her tone and tell she’s maybe suggesting it without suggesting it.  

But honestly, that’s not even something I worry about.  So what, she wants to ask me to borrow money…but she knows I’m not going to give it up.  If she needs diapers, I will buy diapers, if she needs lactose free milk, I will buy it…but cash…no.
Back to my question…how do I get through to her?  She is always looking for that next, ‘high’.  Not literally (well, sometimes it is), but it’s more the excitement of a new relationship, a new place to live, new people in her life that she can share stories with and maybe build her forever, happy home and life with. 
I know she longs for a happy ending, but she is too impatient to build it, as most bi-polar people are.  She needs instant gratification and she takes it at the cost of her children.  Not intentionally, of course, she truly loves them.  But nonetheless, she is hurting them.  The constant moving (6 times in 9 months in just 2016!), the lack of stability, the constant introduction of people she doesn’t know well.  She leaves the babies with them and doesn’t take into consideration, the babies can’t protect themselves!  They are two & one years old – what are they supposed to do?  Say no? Stop any abuse that may be happening?  Tell someone? They can’t even speak!  The thought of anything happening to them frightens me to the core.  We love them so much.  How do we protect them from a distance?  When she lives with us, we can, but when she jumps from place to place (especially when the place isn’t local), how do we keep them safe from the dangers she doesn’t contemplate?  How do we make her understand the danger she is putting them in?  If she were to lose the children, I think it might push her over the edge.  Having lived in various foster homes until she was adopted by a family she didn’t get along with, I don’t think she could handle that possibly happening to the kids if they were put in foster care.  She has a lot of baggage, from witnessing her mother’s suicide, to abuse, to her own mental problems.  What is the right path to help her?  Let her continue to do her own thing, without pointing out what could end up bad (it doesn’t really matter if I do, anyway, it goes in one ear and out the next before I even finish) or tell her and harp on her and TRY to force her into doing what is right? 

I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.  I think (HOPE!) she cares about the things she is doing, I just don’t think she realizes the long term effect of it.  It makes my heart hurt.  So, I implore you…how do YOU parent your bi-polar, adult child?

Random thought, why don’t we eat dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner, since dinner is supposed to be light?

If you could see inside my brain, when I’m focusing on each of my children, it would probably look like a brainstorming cluster, similar to what you use when you’re writing a paper..

You would see a bubble that says ‘Cadence’ and around it, bubbles coming off of it that say ‘ADHD’, ‘medicating’, ‘school; ‘learning disabilities’ ‘happy’ ‘socially awkward’ ‘kind’ ‘helpful’ ‘needs fixing???’ ‘am I doing it right?!’ ‘how do I help her?’ ‘am I doing too much?’ ‘am I messing her up?!!’

This girl is the sweetest thing you could ever meet.  She is always willing to help, she uses her manners (most of the time), she always has a smile to give, but her ADHD and immaturity (mostly socially) scares me.  I can’t be there 100% of the time, so how do I help her?  How do I guide her to act more mature without hurting her feelings?

I was watching a video on her youtube channel (it’s shared btwn her & 2 friends) and listening to her speak vs her two friends speak, worried me.  They are such amazing friends to her, but as they get older, will that continue?  Will they want to remain close friends with her if she’s socially inept?  I remember the first few years of her being in school.  Every conference, I was informed she didn’t have any friends and she was usually alone or always offering to help the teacher.  It made me sad.  3^rd grade, when she met her first, real bff, was the first conference I didn’t hear that.  The following year, her 4^th grade teacher informed me she was once again ‘friendless’ as her BFF was in a different class.

It’s hard to hear that.  I really try not to be a helicopter parent.  I am probably more overbearing than most parents, especially in my family, but I also know what my kids need and are capable of, so I try to make sure they are pushed to and actually working at their full potential.  I don’t want them to rely on me for everything, I want them to be independent.  It’s just hard to watch, Cadence, in particular, when she’s not grasping what her friends are saying or she’s acting much younger than her age.  Her two friends, N & N live minutes from each other and are able to get together regularly.  Cadence knows that and I think it’s starting to upset her.  She is starting to feel left out.  However, I’ve seen her w/them and I’ve seen them ignore her when Cadence isn’t ‘keeping up’.  Cadence doesn’t have crushes, she doesn’t care about boys, she doesn’t care about fashion or who is talking about who….she does like watching youtube videos, which I do not like her to do, but on the other hand, I feel like it may help her understand more things socially…ugh.  Parenting is ridiculous and it can make me so happy and so sad…all at once.

How do I help my girl act more socially mature?  Maybe I wouldn’t be so focused on it, if she didn’t remind me of her cousin, who, is also learning disabled and socially behind.  I know it makes no sense that I would compare Cai to her cousin and not her sister, but when I hear Cadence speak, make certain faces, say particular phrases, I hear/see her cousin and it frightens me to think in 8 years, Cadence may end up like her cousin (a teenage parent that didn’t graduate high school who is behind socially and unable to understand or even say (literally speak them) certain words). 
 

I miss my dad….I miss his smile, his laugh…him yelling at the Bills while they play on tv.  He lied…stole money from my mom, he cheated, he was not always a good husband, but he was (mostly) a good dad.  Sometimes I hate him, what he did to my mom, to our family…but the good memories take over again and my heart aches for one more phone call…

How I felt this morning.

 

As long as I’m talking about the other two kids, I might as well talk about Bryleigh too….Oh Bryleigh.  I am telling you, that girl is going to be a force to be reckoned with as she gets older.  Already I cringe at certain things she says or does.  She already thinks boys are cute, she loves fashion and makeup and she's only 7! she likes her hair a certain way and if you’ve done something she doesn’t like, she will let you know.  She’s bossy and critical and funny and sweet.  She LOVES animals and sometimes, I swear, she’s a dog whisperer.  She isn’t as confident as I would have thought she would be considering her other attributes, but she does try her hardest.

I definitely don’t worry about her socially or educationally the way I do Cadence, which is a relief, but I do fear the teenage year, lol.  I know she’s going to be a handful, I just pray we still love each other once she gets through it – haha. 
I love watching her play soccer or cheer – she loves sports and it shows. 

Hey – maybe even a little blog time for Dennis.  He always gets shafted in my posts… He’s not a social media fan.  He has a facebook, but mostly it’s so it can be linked for him to get more points, etc in game apps.  Otherwise, he’s not actually on the site.  He doesn’t like blogs, he prefers me not to share so much, he doesn’t want his pictures taken or shared, he is more social than me as far as talking to people, but holds back from online media.  He thinks it’s too much work.  Whatever, the more I write, the less I have to talk to people which makes me happy – hahaha.  But for real - how can I only have 400 posts.  I should be at like 40,000.

Dennis broke his foot at work a few months ago and has been having some problems with his 4^th & 5^th toes.  They won’t bend and the entire outside (near his pinky toe) keeps swelling.  He had a MRI last week and goes for his results today.  I really hope they can figure it out so he can get it fixed or figure out a way to live with the pain.

Did you know 13 Nights of Halloween started on Freeform (formerly ABC Family)?!  This makes my heart sooo happy!!  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Halloween.  It may be my most favorite time of the year.  Watching Hocus Pocus makes me all warm & fuzzy.  The best kind of evening for me is when it is a Fri or Sat, around 7ish and it’s dark, chilly and windy outside…you can hear the wind howling and leaves scattering across the pavement…Sitting on the couch with Dennis & the girls, covered in a warm blanket, with all the lights off watching a scary (kid scary) movie.  Those are the moments I want to last forever!

 

Sooo…you made it to the end of this lengthy post…and look - Grover isn’t at the end of it…j/k - here he is! 

So..thanks for reading the pure randomness that makes up my brain.  And if you have any advice for my parenting life – it is all greatly appreciated!

Apparently someone farted on my pillow....

Yesterday morning I woke up and was unable to open my left eye.  Panic set it, like, what the hell is going on?
I pried my eye open, which hurt and was a really stupid idea...turns out, I was the recipient of pink eye.
Bro.  My kids do not have it, why do I?  How did I get this annoying infection, if not from my children?!

The itching, the soreness, the annoyingness.  Ugh.

Anyway, when I got to work this morning, I was informed you get pink eye when someone farts on your pillow.  Say what, now?  I have never heard of this, but I immediately called Dennis and asked him if he had been farting on my pillow.  The complete quiet coming from his end of the phone, led me to believe he wasn't aware of this either (or he would probably fart on my pillow whenever he was mad at me).  I explained what I was told, he started laughing.  He said that's gross, but maybe Blitz is the pillow farter/pink eye giver.  Jerk.

The looks I rec'd at work were not warm & welcoming and it was clear no one was happy to see me there...hey, I would have rather stayed home in bed, but I have a lot of things on my task list that are overdue and I started antibiotics..so I'm no longer infectious...probably.

I figure if it can stick around until Friday - I won't even need to dress up for trunk or treat...I'll just go as a pink-eyed Cyclops.
Eww.

Sleep

I need at least seven hours.  I know eight hours are suggested, and some people are lucky to get five.  But I NEED seven.  If I don’t have enough sleep, I am a raging bitch.  I mean, more than usual. 

When I issued this disclaimer upon arriving home from the hospital days after each girl was born, you would think they understood.  Sure, the first year I was mostly patient when they woke me in the middle of the night for a feeding, wet diaper or teething.  But after a year, well…mommy lost her patience for any middle of the night interruptions.  Yes, I cared for my kids, but on the inside, I was scowling and bitter they disturbed my precious sleep.

Fast forward to 2016 and you would think they had a firm grasp on the concept.  But no…that is not the case.  Last week, Bryleigh came into my room on TWO different nights to tell me she was scared. 

The mommy gene that immediately jumps up and cuddles the scared child and walks them back to bed and sprays ‘monster repellent’ OR brings them into their own bed was skipped when God was putting me together.

I growled to turn on the bathroom light and go back to bed.  She did.  On night two, she came in and told me she had already turn on the bathroom light and that wasn’t working, so I reluctantly invited her into bed, where she squeezed btwn her dad & myself and quickly took over, pushing the two of us to the edge of the bed, where I balanced my body, in hopes of not landing on the floor, for the rest of the night.

I mean, come on, I can’t be the only mom that feels like this!  Right?!  Moms?

So last night when I woke up in excruciating shoulder pain, unable to find any relief and stayed up for 90 mins…finally falling asleep in an awkward position.  Only to wake up a mere 60 mins later because of the pain and having to go out to the couch because I was in so much pain, I assume was my karma being served for sucking as a mom when I’m woke up in the middle of the night.

But all joking aside, the pain…ya’ll…it was bad.  I almost drove myself to the ER.  I walked around with 8 dvt’s for almost 2 wks, crying in pain…it was comparable to that. 

When I stumbled in to work, with beet red eyes, I was even crabbier than usual.  At 10:30, I felt my eyes burning from exhaustion, while my shoulder ached.  I was so happy to go home for lunch and lie down.  Even though my shoulder was still sore, I was so tired, the exhaustion won and I was able to sleep.  When it was time to get up and come back in, I almost cried, I could have used another hour..or three.

So, next time Bry comes in to tell me she’s scared, I’m going to force myself to care.  I learned my lesson.  I don’t need that karma bitch coming back around!

Mornings are overrated!

The girls definitely get it from me.  I am NOT a morning person.  Sure, I can fake it…but deep down, my disgust for cheery people in the morning blackens my soul.  Every smile I receive, as I walk into work, is like nails on a chalkboard.  I just want to say, why, why are you so happy?  Don’t you know it’s only 7:45 in the morning?  And we are entering work – that’s like a double hit.  But no, I go w/the flow and offer my biggest smile back…and a cheery ‘Good Morning’ & then I turn my head & scowl.  Ugh.

 

So this am, when I was getting ready to take a shower and overheard Cadence say to Bryleigh “QUIT LOOKING AT ME!”, I couldn’t even tell her not to be mean b/c she’s not a morning person & she comes by it honestly!  It’s 7 am – don’t stare at me – don’t even turn your head in my general direction.  As a matter of fact, leave the room.  

But, the mom in me knew her attitude was unnecessary, so I did tell her to be nice and for them not to argue.   Minutes later, I heard Bry say “Come on, how long does it take to brush your hair”.  So, also, clearly not a morning person. 

 

Three women, none of whom like mornings…one that already menstruates, two that will in the near future…  Can you imagine how much Dennis is going to enjoy his mornings in about 7 years when all 3 of us are up early and on our periods?  HAHAHAHA.  His life is going to suck.

 

If it weren't for bad luck - we'd have no luck at all...

After losing our home because of Westhaven, we lived w/my mom & her husband for a few months.  It was stressful.  4 adults, 1 kid, 5 dogs & 1 cat, in a 3 bedroom home, was far from ideal.  We were grateful for the room, but desperately needed our own space.

When a tiny apartment, beneath my brother went up for rent, we jumped.  We knew that this was going to be short term.  We only needed to stay long enough to find something else, but to also not be crowded anymore.  I was happily pregnant with Bryleigh a few months after moving in and we knew, for certain, this was only going to be a year lease.

After our year was up, we were excited to move into our new home, which we purchased on land contract.  It was quick for us b/c we wanted to be out of the TPS district before Cadence started school and we needed something bigger b/c we had 2 kids now!

Our home was a modular (trailer) and though it was only 5 yrs old at the time, it had the walls w/the strips in it.  We decided to pull all the strips out, fill them, sand them and paint the walls.   We did all of the rooms except the master bath & master bedroom.  It was a tedious task and so we wanted to get the rooms we spent the most time in, done first.

Recently, we even painted the ugly wood trim to a bright white.  We put new flooring in the living room, dining room, hall bath & 3 bedrooms.  We tore the carpet out of our room & the master bath and started pulling and filling strips in our walls.  New light fixtures through 90% of the house and whenever I walked in, it made me smile!

We were excited for the next step of remodeling b/c even though the work portion of it was going to suck, I wanted a sanctuary in my room.  Lots of chocolate colors, with black out blinds, new bedroom furniture and a thick carpet my toes would squish into.

We have lived here 8 yrs.  In April, the person we were buying the house from texted me and asked me to contact him that particular evening.  He wanted to know if we had found financing yet.  When we bought the house in 09, we signed a 3 yr land contract, which said after 3 yrs, we would get our own financing.  Before the 3 years was up, he contacted me and said, you know, interest rates are bad right now and you guys always pay on time, so don’t worry about getting financed right now.  Just sign something that you will stay another 3 years.

So, I did.

Before those 3 yrs ended, I started looking for financing.  Because the house was not on foundation, we could not find someone to lend to us.  We kept looking and I let him know as much.  He said, no big deal, don’t worry about it.  In Jan I asked how much was left on the house.  We were going to start trying to get financed, again.  We had paid almost ½ the mortgage.  I was excited!  Well we got busy with life and I only ½ looked into it, so I assumed him reaching out to talk was to follow up with the call I had made to him in Jan.

When I called him that evening, he asked if we had found financing and I told him, I hadn’t really looked into it.  He told me he was very ill and he wasn’t sure what was going to happen to him.  And if he died his wife was incapable of taking care of the monthly pymts and taxes, etc. (we pay the taxes every month in our house pymt) because she doesn’t understand finances and stuff.

I explained we had done all this work to the house and we didn’t want to move our kids out of their district, etc.  he said ‘well, I’m not trying to screw you guys or anything but I just want this done b/c I’m sick’.

So I started to look into it….2 wks later Greg killed himself.  My life was consumed by that and I most certainly didn’t think about the house financing while I was spending every free moment w/my mom.

 

He texted me right after the funeral asking about the financing.  I explained my step dad had killed himself and I hadn’t even looked into it but if he preferred, we could just move out b/c if we couldn’t get it and he died, then what?  Even though he said I had a few months to try, he was already texting me 3 wks later.  He req’d that I call him that evening.

So, we did.  This time Dennis talked to him on speaker.  He again informed us of his kidneys shutting down, this time adding the drs said he COULD have as little as 6 mos left.  My mouth fell open.  I didn’t realize how bad it was and really started to panic.  I mean, we had tried in the past to get financing and we were turned away, now what?  He passes away and she quits paying?!  We’d lose everything.  We have paid close to $100,000 since we moved in on taxes, house payments and lot rent.  $100,000.  Who in the hell wants to walk away from that?!
 After about 10 mins of him telling us he didn’t want to screw us out of anything he said how mad he was b/c he wanted to put a sink in by his pool and he couldn’t b/c of our house was still in his name.

I appreciated that was an issue.  He wanted to do his thing and this was hindering that.  I felt bad, but he was the one that told us we always paid on time and it wasn’t a big deal, he ALWAYS said, no don’t worry about it, you always pay on time – it’s fine.

 I hadn’t really looked into it anymore b/c the months that I had looked into it, we couldn’t find anything.  He told us not to worry about it – so I didn’t.

But we have kids to think about and making sure they have a home that allows them to continue going to the school that has helped them is detrimental.  In the past, there were numerous times he told he would just let it go back to the bank if we didn’t up the land contract.

 

I started panicking when we hung up.  What was he going to do?  Would he quit making the payments we were sending him and then we would get kicked out?  I didn’t know what to do or think.   I put all my effort into finding financing.  Then came June, and again, he was texting us asking where we were at w/financing.  Again, we informed him we were having a hard time finding someone that would finance a manufactured home.  AND he even gave us the name of someone and we immediately called & they were out of business.

Were these empty threats or was he serious?  At that point, we decided to start looking for a rental to make sure our kids would stay in their district and we were safe if he were to pass away or just quit paying all together.

Within a few weeks we found a place and have moved. Our girls were heartbroken – we JUST re-did their bedrooms.  They were beautiful..the girls cried b/c they didn’t want to leave their home.  The only home Bry has ever known.

We had to ask Whitney & the babies to move out b/c we couldn’t find a home big enough in the girls district to house us all. 

We had to send Dixon to live w/Aunt Vicki & my mom has our fish tank.  Half of our belongings are in storage.  I didn’t bring any pictures to hang up b/c, honestly, I’m not feeling it.  We moved from a 2000 sq ft home to a 716 sq ft home. 

This was NOT something we wanted to do.  We LOVED our home…the memories we had there.  I loved walking through it looking at our memories hanging on the walls..and now….now I’m in a house that is so small I can see every room from the front door…and the amount we are paying for it is ridiculous but since we needed to stay in district, we are paying for location, not the house.  Trust me..not the house.

When we told him we had moved, he said, oh, I didn’t mean to scare you – you can move back in.  After all of the harassment for the last 3 mos – it was no biggie..Just forget it.

Unfortunately, besides the fact that we had already signed a lease – I couldn’t go back to someone so wishy washy, telling us that the house can just go to the bank.  We send our pymts to him, not the bank, so…would he quit paying and we are out.

Also, we have paid the 1^st ½ of the years taxes to him.  The county sent us the tax bill b/c he never paid it.  So we are responsible for that – even though he has been paid for it.  And we don’t have proof b/c it was just rolled into the house pymt.

As far as the damage he is saying.  The deck railing did break – but it has never been right since we moved in.  We have fixed it numerous times and while we were moving it broke again.  At that point, we were like f it, we need to go.  The master bed & bath have no carpeting/padding b/c we were planning on putting in new flooring as soon as we re-painted, however, once he harassed us enough and made us believe we could lose everything if he died b/c his wife wasn’t capable – we stopped remodeling and started packing.

Even though I know it’s just a house, just a place we rest our bodies, I have always made anywhere I’ve lived a relaxing sanctuary, for my family to enjoy.  This house is so tiny, I just don’t have it in me to do anything with it, except stay there.  It makes me sad.  I did decorate some of the girls room so that they were comfortable and in something semi-familiar.  But it still hurts my heart.

 

 

A house doesn't make the home

Back when I wrote this post, in 2008, I knew that house would not be our forever home.  There was no way I could send my children to Toledo schools.  At that time, they were failing and I wanted more for Cadence.  Even when Whitney lived with us, I sent her to a charter school, rather than TPS. 

But...that house...I LOVED that house.  It was built in 1901 and had BEAUTIFUL woodwork.  The banister made my heart melt the first time we walked in.  The pocket doors and gorgeous floors were things I dreamed of.  I used to sit quietly in the living room and imagine the people who lived here in the early 1900's.  What the house looked like at that time...how each room must have been decorated.  I love history.

When we lost that house, due to Westhaven, I was devastated.  Yes, I knew we weren't going ot live there forever, BUT I hadn't planned on losing all our money on an investment we didn't know was illegal. 

When I got a text yesterday, from a friend of mine, that it was on fire and probably wouldn't make it, my heart sank.  I may not live there anymore, but had great memories and knew the inside was beautiful...or at least had been at one time. 
We decided to drive over and take a look.

My eyes teared up as I watched, my once dream home, being ravaged by flames.  As we were driving up Detroit Ave to Central, the smoke, about 10 blocks away, was overwhelming.  As we approached the intersection, which was blocked off, the scene was something out of a movie.  the smell was horrid.

I went up behind one of the buildings across the street from the house and watched as the firemen put out the raging fire.  My eyes teared up.  No, we don't live there, no, I hadn't planned on living there forever...and no, my memories were not destroyed with the flames...but a piece of my heart was tied to that house.  It was the first 'real' house we bought.  It was where we brought Whitney home, it was where Cadence took her first steps and fell in love with 'Popper' (Harry Potter). 

This home was where Dennis & I rested our weary bodies after working all day and dreamed of our future.  It housed many foster dogs & cats until they found their forever homes.

So, I KNOW this house wasn't ours anymore and hadn't been for 8 yrs, but that didn't make me love it any less.

Thank you, 'big white house' for amazing memories and sheltering us for the 4 years we lived there.