Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Discovery Channel Birth Day

So I watched Birth Day on Discovery Channel earlier this week and another show that was alternative birthing methods…I should NOT watch these shows while I'm pregnant. I was scared - especially watching the latter. That woman was screaming and scared the life out of me.
I will be taking the epidural again - after 9 mos of 2 shots a day - some I don't even feel - most I do, I feel that I deserve the comforts of drugs while I'm pushing a child out of me.
My cousin didn't use drugs - that's fine for her, but she didn't do 500 shots either. My body has been through enough un-drugged pain in my pregnancy to deserve numbness.
So, I talked to my friend Michele about a 1/2 dozen times last week, while She was at the hospital having her little baby boy. We were all so excited & I enjoyed listening to her about contractions (ones that weren't hurting her) and getting ready to have him. I was thinking about Cadence & about the new baby. Well, when she called me at 3 pm, she had to stop talking and breathe through a contraction…it did not sound good - very, very painful…so again, excitement to fear…
It was all worth it when she was holding that gorgeous little boy - but still a little freaked about what I'll be doing again in 25 wks.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

High Risk Pregnancy Pt 2

As I enter my 3rd month of my 2nd high risk pregnancy, I often think back to my first. I try to keep myself calm by trying to remember the things that happened during that pregnancy. At 8 wks, we found the DVT's, at 20 wks, the kidney problems started & stopped at 22 wks - then started again @ 35 wks.
I honestly don't remember a lot of the little stuff - morning sickness, exhaustion, hunger, cravings, etc b/c they were overshadowed by the big things.
There seems to be a lot to worry about when you're high risk, but one nice thing about being high risk, is the care you receive & how your case stands out to drs.
With Cadence, I had an AMAZING mfm (maternal fetal medicine aka high risk) dr. I didn't realize how lucky I was until I read his obit 2 yrs ago. Dr. Arias to me, was a funny guy w/a thick spanish accent. But to the world, he had written books & studied and taught in many countries, so I was lucky w/o knowing how lucky.
With the loss of Dr. Arias, the MFM dept at Toledo Hosp has changed & they know longer see patients, except a few days a month where they consult w/you. You are co-managed w/other OB/GYN's, who, while may not specialize in high risk, because they are working closely w/the MFM drs, you are basically cared for w/the same concern.
This pregnancy has already started out w/a little more excitement than most "normal" pregnancies. When was 8 wks, I was having a pain in my left side - in about the spot where my ovaries are. It felt almost like a cyst, but not quite.
I was nervous b/c of my history of miscarriages & went to Baypark ER. They did an u/s, but didn't let me see the screen & the tech was very vague & apologized for not being allowed to tell me anything.
I was devasted, expecting the worse. When the ER dr came in to talk to me, he was also very vague & said, you have a small tear near the sac w/some bleeding - you need to call your OB in the am.
I was heartbroken & scared. Dennis & I prayed & I cried a lot. I hadn't actually seen an OB yet, b/c I was trying to stay w/Toledo Hosp b/c they have the MFM dept there. I had a 20 min appt where I filled out a 2-sided sheet w/the mid-wives there & that was it.
So I contacted them the next morning & the receptionist that answered was so rude & acted put out that she had to squeeze me in somewhere. It would be a week before they could see me & I was so scared, I didn't want to wait.
I contacted the dr. that Baypark had put on my discharge papers, Dr. Barrow. I was 99.9% certain, that she was a resident at the time I was having Cadence & that she helped deliver her w/Dr. Arias.
When I called for the appt, the receptionist was so kind & pulled up my records & confirmed the pool of blood - but also said the baby looked GREAT & the heartbeat was 167! Why didn't the ER dr tell me this?
I didn't care that this info wasn't told to me the nite before, my baby was ok - that was all I cared about. I rec'd an appt & when I went in, got another u/s where I was able to see the baby. The heartbeat was a strong 170 & looked great. I was so relieved. The pool of blood was implantation bleeding & was being absorbed - so Dr. Barrow wasn't worried.
As we talked about my previous pregnancy, I did tell her that she helped deliver Cadence & it was w/Dr. Arias. She smiled when I said his name, and I prayed she learned a lot from him. As we talked about why I was induced and I started talking about my kidneys - I could see in her face she remembered. She interruppted me & said - I remember, she was laying on your ureter b/c of the extra system…I said - yes! She said, it's all coming back to me!
I was relieved & thankful that I found her. She was taught by a wonderful man & even remembered my case from 4 yrs ago!
I told Dennis, if nothing else, at least being high risk makes you stand out!
I've already had a consult w/the MFM dr - who was very nice. I've had another u/s & have my 1st trimester screening u/s set up for Monday 2/16.
I'm thankful that I found Dr. Barrow & even more thankful that God helped me find her.
I feel safe knowing I have her here to take care of me & God to be the real caregiver in this pregnancy, but not just b/c I was scared - because I found Him long ago & know the things He does!
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12"

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

High Risk Pregnancy Part 1

According to the definition of a high risk pregnany is:
-A pregnancy, where because of a specific health history of the mother or child, the risk of birth defects or complications is increased.
Being high risk has both good & bad sides. Obviously, the fear of something happening is probably the worse part of being high risk, but any pregnancy can have something bad happen.
At the beginning of my pregnancy w/Cadence, before I developed DVT's, I didn't really have faith. I blamed God for a lot & thanked Him for very little.
When I was hospitalized, I panicked and turned to Him for healing. I felt guilty knowing I was turning to Him because I wanted to be healed, that until then, I really didn't allow Him into my life and if I did, it was always briefly.
"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;I will strengthen you, I will help you,I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. —Isaiah 41:10 "
After being released from the hospital, we tried to attend Church again because we were thankful. We chose the local Catholic Church, b/c that was how we were both raised, where we married each other, it seemed right. It wasn't. No matter how bad I wanted it, I just couldn't find my place there. I didn't pay attention during services, I got bored quickly and didn't understand the passages or the sermons.
We quit going. After Cadence was born, we tried again, knowing how important it is for her to grow with faith. Again, it didn't last.
Not long after Cadence's 1st b/day, we found Cedar Creek. Lisa had talked about it and a friend of my mom's talked about it. I felt that b/c it wasn't a Catholic Church, I shouldn't go. My gramma, a devout Irish Catholic, knew the pastor as a child and visited during a service. She relayed to us how laid back it was and how proud of Lee she was b/c he was truly churching the unchurched.
That was the push we needed. My Gramma, of course, would never falter from her beliefs, but I didn't know my beliefs, I only knew the few things I learned growing up and I certainly wasn't learning anymore on the current course.
Our first service was overwhelming. Catholic churches, especially the one we attended, are nothing like Cedar Creek. CC was large and loud and full to the brim. It was so overwhelming, but we actually learned something. There was a handout and questions to fill in and Dennis & I discussed the sermon on the drive home.
Cadence survived her first time away from us (not including family members) and has even grown to love it.
My heart was overflowing with joy when I heard her playing w/Colin last week and said, no Colin, we have to go to Church first. And then preceded to play like she was at Church. I couldn't ask for more from my FOUR year old!
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6"
So absolutely, hands down, the best thing out of my high risk pregnancy was the faith I developed. Finding & accepting Christ into my life has allowed me to trust my worries to Him and enjoy the beautiful gifts He has given me.
Ultrasounds - 2 wks apart - the one on the left I was 14 wks & the one on the right I was 12 wks

August 2009

August 2009 will be a month of celebration for my family & friends.
Starting on 8/9, Aunt Vicki & Uncle Jay will be celebrating their 12 yr wedding anniversary.
On 8/14, my Gramma will be turning 71.
On 8/15, my friend Lindsay will be getting married. Also, on 8/15, my Uncle Tracy will be marrying Diana!
8/17, Dennis & I will celebrate 7 yrs of marriage & Matt will be turning 28 a day later - HA 2 more yrs til you're 30!!!!!
8/21 is Angie's due date &
8/25 is my due date….wait, what? Oh yes, that's right - I'M PREGNANT!!!!! Do you know how long I've kept this in?? EIGHT of the LONGEST WEEKS of my life! :)
We found out when I was 3 wk/4d & it was confirmed w/a blood test when I was 4 wks. And 2 days later, my levels were checked to be sure they were rising & they were. Today, I am 12 wks pregnant.
I've had a couple u/s's & got to see the little peanut & the heartbeat was 176. I'll post pictures as soon as I get my scanner hooked up again. We're over the moon & can't wait to hold him/her. Of course all we want is a healthy baby, but a boy would be a nice round out.
Also, I was advised by Cadence that she doesn't want a girl & if we have one, we can leave her there.
At least she doesn't hide her feelings.
Anyway, now that I don't need to keep my secret, I won't avoid any more phone calls & I'll go back to regularly posting on blogger - which will be where I do most of my baby updates.
Also, thank you, to those few people for keeping my secret - w/o being able to share it w/someone I would have hung myself.

Friday, February 6, 2009


Yah tomorrow - how Cadence has looked forward to tomorrow! Why is this such an exciting day? It's her birthday party!!! YAH tomorrow. We're going to be having a blast at Chuck E. Cheese & we'll be celebrating it with about 25 of her friends & cousins & hopefully at least that many parents..hehe - seriously, I'm so excited for her.

She's so excited, I'm not sure who she most excited is coming - Ahrianna & Brayden or Skyler or Madison - she's just so excited, she can barely contain herself.

It's been a long & trying 8 months for Dennis & I. We were devastated that we lost the house b/c of Westhaven & all the money we put into it and sometimes, I took for granted that Cadence is a kid & it probably doesn't affect her. I'm not sure what would lead me to think that, when she's said things that shows how affected she was.

After a week or 2 of staying w/my mom, she would say things like, I want to go back to my big white house, why can't we go back to my white house, to which I'd reply, it's broken, honey, we can't go back anymore. If we'd drive by it on the way to daycare, she'd cry, momma, it's not broken, look, I want to go back. It broke my heart into a million pieces - it was those times, I wish I could grab John Ulmer & choke him. He broke my child's heart - all she wanted was the security of her home and I couldn't give it to her.

She'd open my Thomas Kincaide books & tell me she was going to buy us this house & that house and we would move our beds there with the dogs & the cat and live there. That was one of her favorite things to do when I said "do you want me to read you a book". Really, at 3 yrs old, she shouldn't be worrying about that.

When we moved into the apartment, she was so happy. Little things changed about her, the way she played, how she would run around the house, not worried I was going to yell at her to keep it down & not bother my mom & Mike…she would talk about "her new house" with a big smile on her face.
When went back to my moms a few days after we had stayed at the apt to clean, she cried all the way there that she didn't want to live w/Nana & Mike in our room (we shared a room while there), she wanted to go back to her new house. It was a long evening b/c she was so worried we were staying there - no matter how many times I told her that we were only cleaning, she didn't believe me. She was so happy when we pulled back up to her new house.

She ran in & fell onto the couch & fell asleep. My baby…

So will the party cost a little more than we wanted to spend? Probably. Will it be worth every single cent to see her happy - ABSOLUTELY!

Happy 4th b/day my Princess! We love you.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


FOR TODAY 2/3/09

This past weekend…Friday, we stayed home & watched Ghost Whisperer & relaxed. Saturday, cleaned, did laundry, went to the store, visited Selena, went out to dinner & went home to watch Sat nite BBC shows. Sunday, went to Aislynne's 3rd b/day party & then to cheer practice.

Outside my window…it's sunny & not terribly chilly

I am thinking…I could use a nap - not sleeping so well w/this cold

I am thankful for…my life

From the learning rooms…Cadence recognizes most letters & can almost completely spell her name

From the kitchen…Chicken sandwiches for dinner tonite

I am creating…a b/day bonanza - ok, just a party

I am going…to try to get a hair cut tonite

I am reading…a Janet Evanovich book

I am hoping…that the zpac works fast

I am hearing…that it will be near 50 on Sat!!!!

Around the house…nothing new is really going on

One of my favorite things…sleep

A few plans for the rest of the week: haircut, b/day present shopping for Cadence, B/day party on Sat, Madison staying the nite

Here is picture thought I am sharing...