Saturday, May 4, 2013


It's taken me a long time to be able to sit down and right this post.  It's so hard to hear how bad your child's learning disability is...especially when you are in denial.
I mentioned here that we knew she had some learning disabilities, but even though her teacher told me she was a grade behind - I was still hurt and sad when I listened to the full report from a therapist that administered a a 4 hr diagnostic testing. 

I wanted to cry, tell them they were wrong..that MY child couldn't have reading issues.  We've read to her since she was an infant..before she was born...that her dad & I LOVE to read and no way could we have a child that would have an issue reading. 
After I listened to them and let the information sink it, I went from sad to mad.  I was mad b/c I worked with her..I spent hour upon hour reading with her...writing until the pencils were dull...and yet it was like not a moment of that mattered.  I couldn't place my anger..was I mad at her?  How unfair and what kind of mom would be mad at their child?  Was I mad at God because I have an amazing daughter and she doesn't deserve to have to struggle with something like learning?  Was I mad at myself because this somehow must be my fault??  Should I have read the night we skipped because I was so tired?  Was it somehow related to have a leg full of dvt's early in my pregnancy? Was it because I received morphine while I was pregnant with her?  Was it because they did TWO x-rays while I was pregnant?  I didn't want them to, but my dr. had to figure out what was wrong with me and why I was in so much pain (turns out - I have 3 kidneys and she was backing one up...worst pain ever!  Even worse then delivery!)...Was it Dennis' fault?  He struggled in school and his brother is learning it genetic??

A lot of praying, yelling and crying later and I finally came to terms with her being learning disabled.  And it's not just reading, it's math and money and science. 

But to prove God loved my child, that God knows she is smart in her own way and that she just Learns Differently, she loves her Religion class and excels at it.
That actually brings a lot of peace to this momma's hurt heart.

So began my google journey on learning disabilities - narrowed to reading.  Quite a few pages said children entering school w/slight dyslexia (which she was also diagnosed with) would probably adjust quickly after being in school a short time and most of their problems will reverse.  However, children from poorer homes, who ususally weren't read too and weren't around books will struggle longer, if not forever.   I was mad b/c Cai wasn't adjusting quickly and they are lumping all the kids in one of those two groups.  So if she's not the mild dyslexic that reverses shortly after starting school, I 'read' that she was one of these other kids who will always struggle.  Every child's disability is unique and it's not fair to write it that way.  Especially when a mom is researching b/c she was just told her child has a learning disability.  Nice way to make you feel like shit.

She had her testing at one of the local universities b/c our insurance doesn't cover it.  Of course.  If you EVER need to have your child (ren) tested for learning disabilities, speech problems, etc - check with your local university.  It is MUCH much cheaper than Sylvan or other private institutes.
They suggested bringing her in for therapy once a week for an hour.  Because it was in the middle of a semester she only had 8 sessions.
Even thought it's only 20 mins from where we live, it's about 30-40 minutes from work.  The sessions were right after school and it's very difficult for me to get her there.  Thankfully, my mother-in-law and mom have been quite helpful taking her to therapy, which I appreciate more than I can show. 
She did well during the first session, the grad student she was working with was a bit apprehensive.  My opinion was that she wasn't very comfortable around kids...but she was very sweet.
After Cai finished the first session, they sent us her updated evaluation and suggested we bring her twice a week, for an hour each session.
I was able to schedule one on Fri's and since my mom is off on Fri's she takes her to those appts.  My mother-in-law and I split her Mon appts.  It's still stressful, but knowing this is helping her - well that means more than the stress!

As she finishes her 2nd session, I hope that there is a little (I mean, I'll take a sprinkle) of improvement. 

So now we wait for her school year to finish, which is just a few short weeks away.  Enjoy summer - with a shorter summer session to attend - and pray..a lot...that it all starts to 'click' for my girl..

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