Dear Whitney,
it’s been less than a week since you were sitting, waiting, on the cusp of one
of life’s biggest events. And now you are a mother. One of the best gifts any
woman could ever receive, but also the hardest.
Even though I wasn’t there 19 years ago, when you entered this world, I still
feel like you have always been in my life.
You may not have been placed into my arms on that April day, you were
placed into my heart 12 years later, when we first met at Major Magic’s.
We happily welcomed you as our oldest daughter,
wanting to erase every bad memory and all the pain you had ever
experienced. It was hard for everyone
involved, but it was nothing compared to the joy, love and excitement we felt. Or the dreams we had for our future together.
While you may not have physically been my first born, my heart knows you were
meant to be.
There are no real words to explain how we
felt having you in our lives. The closest I can come to explain the feelings we
had is ecstatic…but scared that we weren’t going to know how to raise you. We were reassured that our love & faith
would see us through it. I wanted to
scream from the highest roof for the WHOLE WORD to hear - I have another
daughter! Thank you, God, for this beautiful girl.
Long brown hair, beautiful brown eyes, a
smile, that was hidden well, but gorgeous when you let it show.
Although those dreams changed, our love for
you never wavered. I prayed every day
for you and lit candles for you at Church every holiday and birthday, hoping we
would be reunited.
I don’t even know how to express the
feelings of pure joy and excitement after finding you. My thoughts raced, what will our future
hold? Would you accept me as some sort
of mother? In my heart, you’ve always
been my daughter, but am I pushing it too much?
I wanted you to mend your relationship with
your parents, because I knew it was right.
I still bite back tears when I hear you talk about them. Mostly because in my mind, I’m still your mom
and I shouldn’t have to share you. But I
pray on that and am truly thankful that you have found a better relationship
with them because you, more than most, deserve nothing but HAPPINESS!!!
As you waited for Ms. Lenyx to make her arrival, while staying with us, I
enjoyed watching your excitement and being there when you were told you were
having a girl! Towards the end It was
obvious how nervous, excited, in pain & impatient you were. There’s a
longing to meet this little girl you have carried for nine months.
Here are some things I’d like to share with you in the beginning of mommyhood…
Being a mom is one of the most amazing
things you will ever do. There are no
words to explain the love you have for your child. No matter how exhausted you
are when she wakes you up all night and all day, when you hold her, you will
know in a nano-second how “worth it” it is.
No matter how loud she screams, you will
find yourself loving her with a fierce, joyful love you cannot even imagine.
I know that your past has caused your faith to waver. My trials have made my faith stronger. I truly believe you will start to feel His
strength one day and know that He has never left you. And gave you the best present in the
world..Lenyx.
The love of a mother is an astonishing
thing. And it’s a good thing God gives it to us because we need it as moms. Not
just in these glorious early new-baby days. But in every day of our mom-lives.
It’s what gets us through all the ups & downs.
That love is not only the best thing that could happen to you, it is also the hardest thing you will ever do.
At times it will feel like “mission impossible.” What makes it possible is
God’s strength and that amazing, inexplicable, ferocious love you have for this
child.
So while you enjoy these early days of motherhood, a few bits of random advice.
“What are the words of wisdom you might
offer your daughter as she becomes a mother?”
Here are a few…
·
You’ve
just become a lifelong learner. No, you won’t know everything you think you
should about being a mom, but you will learn as you go—and be the better for
it. You and your daughter will grow together!
·
Rely
on God’s strength and the encouragement and wisdom of other moms. Don’t try to
“go it alone!”
·
Remember
that God—and kids—are very forgiving. Yes, you will make mistakes, but don’t
focus on them.
·
Don’t
forget to laugh a lot! It will ease the tension, soothe the pain—and make you
much happier and more fun as a Mom.
·
Savor
the moments. This will seem impossible in the middle of the night when Lenyx
just won’t stop crying. But trust me, when your kids are young, it feels like
forever. But the years fly by faster than you can imagine.
·
Something
to look forward to: Being a mom, in a sense, gets better all the time. I’ve
loved each stage along the way (well, most of the time) it’s always
different. Each one a little more fun
than the last. And just think--maybe one day Lenyx will be just about to
deliver her first child. And you will know the joy and pride I feel right now.
I love you Whitney—far more than you can ever
understand. And if you ever need anything, please, never hesitate
to call me.
Love always, Mom
