Friday, April 24, 2009

Light at the End of the Tunnel

It's just been one of those weeks. Where you feel like the weight of the world is lying on your shoulders & nothing seems to go right. No matter what you do, it's wrong, no matter how you feel, it's wrong, no matter what you say, it's wrong.

One of those weeks where you just want to stay in bed & keep your head under the blankets. However, in the real world, that's not possible.

And unfortunately I've been having one of those weeks. Financially, emotionally & physically - everything is going wrong & it's draining every bit of energy out of me.

It started w/my dr informing me they were upping my dose of lovenox. It's not bad, only 20 mg, but I still have a weeks worth of 100 mg left. I have to finish that week (I mean for $6300/mo, my ins comp isn't going to be happy if I waste a weeks worth) of 100 mg before my new script of 120 mg is filled.

Lovenox comes in pre-filled syringes. All I have to do is open the package, take off the lid & stick myself twice a day. Because of that weeks worth - I had to pick up a box of 30 mg shots, to take w/my 100 mg shots. So that's 4 shots a day.

Yes, I get that it's only for a week…but how about this…you take 2 shots a day for 5 months & have a nice bruised belly & then YOU add 2 more shots a day…but tell yourself…it's only for a WEEK. Believe me, a week is almost like an eternity. Especially when you're so bruised that you can't find a spot for your 100 mg shots.

Yes, I'm thankful I'm pregnant & this is what I have to do to be pregnant. Fine…It keeps me from miscarrying & from developing DVT's. I'm thankful there is something that can allow me to be pregnant & carry to term - I'm THANKFUL that my insurance company pays the $6300/mo for it. But sometimes, that little bit extra…well it just adds to 'one of those weeks'.

I have more money going out than coming in…but it seems there are a lot of people w/that problem. My utility bills are obnoxious, particularly my gas - but that's b/c this place is NOT energy efficient.

Yesterday as I was on my way to Flower Hospital to see Dennis - which just adds to 'one of those weeks', who was admitted b/c of the pain in his side & he had an abnormal CT, I just wanted to ball. I was tired & hungry & drained. I had the radio on, but it was very low. I listen to the Christian rock station in the car b/c Cadence doesn't need to hear the other stuff. Anyway, the song playing was called Tunnel, by Third Day. The first line I heard was...

"There's a light at the end of this tunnel"

I wanted to cry…I was almost there anyway & that just about sent me over the edge.

Yesterday while at work, Dennis was calling frequently to check in & let me know what the dr. said. At 2:10, the dr. still hadn't been in to see him. At 2:30, he called me & said, they're taking me to surgery in 10 mins! WHAT?! TEN MINUTES?!

Luckily 10 minutes turned into 1 1/2 hrs, so I was able to see him before he went back but still it was very frustrating & stressful. Rushing to get to Flower, arranging a pick-up for Cadence, figuring out dinner, etc.

His surgery was a success & when he finally comes home, he'll be short an appendix. Thankfully, it never burst, it was infected.

He won't be able to come home til tomorrow…but I'm happy he's ok. I can't wait for him to get home - I didn't think that him being gone for 3 days would make much a huge impact since he works evenings, but it has - we miss him.

For those that are interested - here are the rest of the lyrics to Tunnel:

I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
I can't begin to know what you're going through
I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on
You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see
So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for

Cadence on Daddy's hospital bed watching tv

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